DOWN 6.8 LBS THIS WEEK!!!

WHOO HOO!  I am so excited to see such a jump!  Now I must continue to capitalize on this! 

Let's see, what did I do to maybe cause this?  Not much honestly.  I was so busy at work last week that I didn't eat much during the day and when I got home I was also busy and tired and just didn't sit and eat a lot.  BUT - I also drank a lot of water, got some exersize, and made sure that what I did eat was healthy and the best "bang for my buck." 

SO - what does this mean for this week, when I have already found myself eating more than last week?  Well, I have been re-motivated by last weeks loss.  I also remember that it really didn't take some huge plate of food for me to feel full and satisfied.  So I am trying to go back to that sort of thing: much smaller portions, taking longer to eat what I have, and making sure that what is on that plate is healthy and filling.  And of course trying to get some exersize in as well.  

I don't think a 6+ lb loss every week is the healthiest way to go, nor is it really feasible for me, but boy did it feel good!

THANK YOU MICHELLE and other ramblings

Right off the bat let me say THANK YOU to my dear friend Michelle for the “Appetite for Reduction” cookbook!  It is full of low-fat vegan recipes and while I am no longer doing the full-on vegan or vegetarian experiment I still try to keep at least 60% of my meals meat-free.  One of the biggest problems I had was finding low-fat options that kept the variety in my diet so that I wouldn’t get bored.  So many vegan & vegetarian recipes that I found used quite a bit of oil/butter/etc which while keeping the flavor level high did absolutely nothing for my WW Points+ values.  In fact, several items I made were so high in points that I would have been better off with steak and a salad.  I have been looking through my new cookbook in eager anticipation of the culinary delights to soon grace my plate!  I will post pictures and reviews as I make them!

I really have no excuse for not posting more often.  Yes, I’ve been exceedingly busy, was out of town for a few days and I currently have an apartment full of company but I should be able to find at least a few minutes each day to post my progress for that day.  As for progress, I am making some!  I worked really really hard during the week before and week of Memorial Day.  I stayed within points, did my Zumba workouts, walked at lunch, etc.  I FELT better and my clothes fit a little better – but for all that on my WW weigh in after 2 weeks (because they were closed on Memorial Day and I weigh in on Mondays) was only a 1 lb loss.  I know I’m doing well because of how I feel and how my clothes fit but still – that was really discouraging.  I haven’t been working out as hard the last 2 weeks but I have been watching what I eat so it will be interesting to see what the weigh-in is like tonight.  I can’t trust my scale at home – I got on it 3 times this morning and each reading was different – by up to 6lbs!  Obviously time for a new scale!

I’ve also been looking over my blog page and it could use some spiffing up.  I need to figure out how to do the tabs across the top so that I can rearrange how this looks and add some more information.  There is a lot of stuff I’d like to add or do but I don’t want to keep trying to cram it all onto one page.  So if my page starts looking weird or doing odd things please bear with me because I don’t know what I’m doing in that respect!

Thanks for reading!

Fantastic Weekend!

While I haven't blogged every day as I had hoped, I have at least had a great time the last few days to justify it!  I took Thursday and Friday off and the weather cooperated and it has been a great 4 days!  On Thursday I chaperoned my oldest's class to the Washington History Museum.  That was a lot of walking around and I ate well all day too.  Friday was "me" day.  I started off with Zumba, had a pedicure, lunch with a friend and got my hair done.  That night, my 9 year old spent the night at his grandparents house which gave me some 1-on-1 time with the baby (if you can still call 15 months a baby!) and then some much needed quiet time after he went to bed!  Saturday was the nicest day we have had in Seattle in 9 months!!  No kidding, I heard it on the news - 9 months since we have had weather that nice.  It was crystal clear, temps well into the 70's, nice, nice, nice!  So had a workout at the gym and then after my dental appointment I took the boys to the pool and spent a couple of hours playing in the water and soaking up the sun.  Today is calm day.  Had an outdoor service at church followed by a BBQ and games. Now I know I need to work on some laundry and cleaning but I think I'm just going to curl up with my book for a while.

Anyway, I didn't spend the weekend obsessing on my weight, my activity level, or my food choices.  I just got up and got moving and made pretty decent choices overall.  I'm interested to see what my weigh-in does tomorrow.  It will be 2 weeks since the last one. 

I just re-read what I wrote and realized I pretty much just gave a step-by-step of my weekend but didn't get into any deep feelings or make any great breakthroughs or revalations and  you know, it's because I didn't have any!  I really didn't do "deep" the last 4 days. Other than a couple of notable exceptions on Thursday I tried to keep the rest of the weekend surface-level and relaxed and I am far better today for having done so.  Even though I didn't get to take any naps, or do any meditation, I feel more rested and refreshed than I have in a long time.  The time I've spent with my boys has been a little slice of heaven this weekend. 

Could have been better...

I was having such good results I got lazy.  I have kind of taken the last 2 days "off" - not that I've gone crazy eating or anything but I haven't been real strict about what I eat and I've backed off the exersize.  Tonight I feel it.  I already feel sluggish and tired and fat instead of fat but energized.  At least I recognize it so tomorrow I will get up and Zumba again.  Then it's off to chaperone my oldests class to the Washington History Museum.  That should be fun.  It's been years since I've been down there so it should be interesting. 

I also recognized that part of the laziness both in eating and exersizing came because I was feeling overwhelmed.   Work, home, the boys, my spouses' issues (which he continues to try and put on my shoulders to resolve and even though I won't it's exhausting dealing with him about it), car issues, finances, etc - just kind of all piled up and I felt overwhelmed so I took a shortcut in the easiest area for me: my food and exersize routine. And yet that is the area I need to keep up on because it is what will most help me deal with everything else in my life.  If I am eating healthy and exersizing I will feel strong, capable and far less stressed.  I have to remember that I am making my health a top priority for me and I can't let other issues take that focus away from me.

One thing I have tried to incorporate into my days is what I call "little bursts" - and that is exactly what I do.  I try to throw some extra little thing in whenever I get up from my desk.  When I go to the bathroom I do 10 wall push-ups and 10 dips to help work on my arms (and with the amount of water I drink these days I go to the bathroom at least once an hour); when I have to go downstairs or out on the floor I throw an extra trip up and down the stairs; little things like that.  It's not great concentrated effort but I figure every little bit helps, right?

SO - tomorrow it is back to the Zumba, the "little bursts", and the healthy choices.

Productive and Proactive!

I know the day isn't over yet but I have some plans for later in the day and I'm not sure I'll get a chance to post later.  It has been a busy day so far; laundry, cleaning, playing with the boys, etc.  Now my oldest has his friends over and you can't really tell I cleaned the living room but at least I know it STARTED clean!  I also made some steps to set myself up for the week.  Safeway had a BOGO Free on family packs of boneless, skinless chicken breasts so I picked up 2 packs.  I then broke them down into packs of 2 for freezing.  Some I even pre-seasoned so that they will marinate as they defrost when I take them out of the freezer.  I also cleaned and cut a bunch of radishes, celery and carrots and stuck them in containers of water in the fridge; and cut up a bunch of melon and stuck it into the fridge as well.  Now I have quick, easy, healthy snacks and easy dinners set up ready to go for the week.  So far today I have been really good; made a breakfast burrito with Egg Beaters, a little avacado, and a bunch of tomato.  Then for lunch I had tuna on a light english muffin with tomato and radish.  I'm going to try to get on the Wii Fit Plus later today after I kick all the kids out of the house!

I feel good about the choices I have made today so far and I feel like I am setting myself up for a great week.  Talked with my mom today and found out that she and my dad are still planning on coming to visit at some point this summer.  Probably in late June.  That is fantastic in that I miss them terribly (they live in Pennsylvania) and my mom usually tries to cook healthy these days; but she cooks a lot.  I try to tell her to take it easy and not do anything but relax while she is here but bless her heart, she cooks and cleans anyway.  Which I admit, I don't fight too hard.  It is awfully nice to have someone helping me out for a bit!! There is always way too much food and that leads to me overeating and oversnacking.  So I'll need to make sure to plan in advance for that and talk with her about meal ideas that help to support my weight loss efforts while still fulfilling her need to make sure her family is well fed at all times! 

Started weak, ended strong.

Stressful day today.  It started out OK but then Mike came by and that really stresses me out and I found myself starting to eat all the wrong things and a lot of them.  I realized what I was doing and with a rather herculean effort managed to make myself stop and do a little exersize, not much but it stopped my binge.  I also got him out of the house with strict instructions that I wouldn't see him until next weekend.  (FYI - Mike is my husband and he isn't living at home right now.  He needs some time to work on some issues he has and to get his life together and I need some time as well.  We try to have a "visitation" during the weekend days so that he and the boys can spend some time together and he and I can work on our relationship too.)  There has been a lot of friction there and too often turn to food to comfort myself.  I simply can't allow that to continue to happen.  I need to be in charge of my life and stop letting anyone elses actions drive my reactions.  Eating myself silly never really makes me feel better and just makes me more unhappy in the end.  It's kind of like swallowing poison yourself and then waiting for the other person to die. Not the most effective way to go about things.

Later, the boys and I went to a friends son's birthday party and yes, I had a little cake and ice cream and 2 small cream puffs (and man was it all delicious!) but I'm not going to beat myself up over that.  I came home and did a little more exersize and simply stopped eating for the night.  Tomorrow already feels like it is going to be a good day.  I have all the right foods in the house and I already have a plan for some exersize.

So while I did overeat today, I feel like I made a lot of progress in standing up for myself and taking control of my life.  Another positive is that I hopped on the scale today and I'm down about 6 pounds from the last time I hopped on that scale - which was a while ago.  My WW meeting is closed tomorrow so I won't have another weigh-in until next Monday.  That gives me time to offset the damage I did to myself today and get a little more weight off before then.  I don't know where my scale at home falls in comparison to the one at my meeting - I know it is off a little.  I keep meaning to come home from my weigh-in at WW and then get on the one at home to compare but I always forget.  So until I manage to remember to do that I just use it as I guide to see if I'm going up or down.  I use my WW weigh-in as my official weight.  So I have another week to continue to push myself and see what kind of progress I can make!

Zumba! I crack myself up!

Well, overall I've been doing OK this week.  I've rocked it during the day but my evenings are still tough.  I try to eat right but end up eating a lot more than I planned to.  However, I have really upped my workout times.  I started doing the Zumba for Wii in the mornings.  It is hard - especially since I have no real sense of rhythm and I end up cracking myself up because I know I look ridiculous, but it is a lot of fun too!  I have been getting up early and doing a 20 minute routine.  I really can't wait until I start getting some of the moves down!  I also walked during my lunch time 3 times this week and I worked out at the gym this morning.  I know my weightloss won't be as big as I would like because of the volume of food I have been consuming in the evening (and today hasn't been the healthiest of days but it was a nice lazy day to spend with my boys) but I feel better about myself. 

I finally decided (thank you to Mellissa for the well timed kick in the ass!) that I'm tired of all this self-pity and beating myself up. Yes it's true, if I had stuck to the program and increased my excersize months ago I would be much much closer to my goal weight now.  BUT - it's also true that if I hadn't been doing what I've been doing so far I could have gained a lot of weight too.  So even though I've been working on losing the same few pounds over and over and least I haven't gained anything extra.  Now, however - it's time to move on.  It's time to put myself and my health at the top of my priority list.  I've been trying to take care of everyone else and satisfy everyone else's needs that I have let myself slip away. It's time to reclaim my life.

I did my first 5K!!!

On Sunday I did the Nordstroms Beat The Bridge 5k.  My group walked (I really don't run - ever) and it was POURING down rain, but I did it and I'm so proud of myself!  And of my 9yr old son who did the walk with me!

Now 5K really isn't that far, only 3.1 or 3.2 miles or something like that and I routinely do more than that on the treadmill but let me tell you - it is WAY different doing it on the streets.  I was sore on Monday which tells me something about my excersize routine: I need to step it up.  Which of course, I need to do anyway because let's face it - I'm not losing any weight.  I'm not doing as well as I should in following my WW+ plan or my excersize plan so I keep just fighting the same few pounds over and over.  I need to get myself together.  I keep zooming between "I can do this - EASY" and "No, you are too lazy to do this and will just always be fat so go ahead and have another bowl of pasta" - I feel like I'm on one of those rides at the fair; you know the ball on the giant slingshot thing.  It's ridiculous.  I've been doing this long enough that I should be down quite a significant amount by now but I'm not. 

BUT - I am still really proud of myself for doing the 5k in the rain and I'm looking forward to finding more things like that to do throughout the summer (hopefully sans rain!).  

Why can't emotional eating mean downing a giant spinach salad?!?

I mean, right?  :) 
I haven't exactly been following through on posting more often.  In fact, I haven't been following through on a LOT of things these last 2 weeks or so.  It has been a really emotional couple of weeks for me and I've been wallowing around in a self-pity-mudpit allowing it to get the best of me.  Earlier today I had come to the firm decision to kick this to the curb, pull myself together, and come back stronger than ever.  But now tonight I just want to curl  up into a ball again.  And to top it off instead of saying "well, I've had a setback, lets get back on it" I find myself dwelling on just how much weight I could have lost by now had I stuck with the program and increased my excersize.  Instead I'm losing the same 5-6 pounds over and over again.  It's disgusting, stupid, and instead of being a catalyst I've allowed it to become demoralizing and get the best of me.  AARRRGGHH. 

Anyway - on to at least something positive.  Even though Lent is over and I have re-introduced meat into my life I still try to keep at least 60% of my meals vegetarian.  My latest find is roasted radishes.  Yes - radishes.  Roasting them in the oven completely changes them!  It makes them sweet and creamy (not that there is anything wrong with normal, raw radishes - I chomp on them all the time).  Cut them in half, spray with some olive oil cooking spray, sprinkle with salt and roast in your oven at 400. When they are just done roasting brown a little butter in a pan (I use 1-2 Tablespoons of Earth Balance vegan "butter"), add the green tops of the radishes and cook them until just wilted.  Mix with the radishes and squeeze some fresh lemon over the top.  SO GOOD!.  In fact, that's what I'm having for dinner tomorrow night. 
I also got a new kitten.  My oldest named him Jimmy and he is a holy terror.  In fact he is right now systematically destroying the dining area in my apartment.  Last night he managed to climb into the baby's crib and was playing with his feet.  OF COURSE this woke up the baby and he wouldn't go back to sleep.  Jimmy and I had a "come-to-Jesus" meeting after that stunt.  OK, he just raced up my leg and arm, onto my shoulder and used my neck as a jumping off point.  I think I'm going to just go quietly bleed to death....gah.

Been real lax lately - I'm sorry!

I realized I've been exceedingly lax about posting the last week or so.  I enjoy doing this so just like I make time for myself to go to my WW meetings on Monday's, I need to make time for myself to write and post at LEAST a few times a week.  Even if it's short, at least it's something!

Well, I'm proud to say I was down again.  1 pound!  This makes 6 consecutive weigh-in's with a loss!!  Is it as much as I had hoped for?  No.  But I'm coming to accept and be happy with any loss, no matter how small.  It means I'm making the right choices often enough to make a difference in my weight and ultimately my health.

Tonight has not been so great.  I recognize that I have been doing some serious emotional eating and I even know what the trigger is, what emotions I am trying to appease with food, but I didn't choose to stop.  Some might say that it is a huge step just to recognize that I AM doing the emotional eating thing and even a bigger step to know what those emotions are.  That is the first move toward avoiding it in the future.  I think it's just a moment of sheer weakness.  I realize it's all emotional, I know what those emotions are and what triggered them, and I said "oh good - that's why" and reached for another piece of peanut butter toast.  5 of them.  YES - 5.  I now feel so sick and bloated but God help me, I still want another piece.  I'm not going to have one, but I want it.  I'm going to have to walk about 10,000 miles to offset tonight!!   I guess this leads me to the question of tonight, and of all time, WHY?  WHY do I see what it is and yet continue to feed it, rather than fix it?  I know I'm not the only one that does this.  What tips do you guys have to help me with this?

A positive note is that I am doing the Beat The Bridge 5K next month for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation.  This is a week before the WW 5K challenge.  I'm glad I'm doing this.  I don't really have any problem walking a 5K course, I just enjoy the fact that I will be out doing it. 
In case you want to check it out please go to http://www.beatthebridge.org/site/TR/Events/General?px=1530509&pg=personal&fr_id=1150 
You can check out the cause, the race, or even choose to support me and my team and make a donation.

Well, that's it for tonight.   I really want to say thank you for those of you who follow me and for everyone who has posted comments for me.  Your insight, encouragement and stories are helpful and inspirational to me!! 

YAY! Finally a weight loss that is more than just what shoes I had on!!

Finally!  I broke the 0.8 streak I had been on!  Whoo hoo!  This last week I managed to lose 1.2 pounds.  I am very happy about this.  I mean really, .8?  That's like wearing a lighter pair of shoes or a light blouse instead of a sweater!  I feel really driven to see just how much I can lose next week.  I’m also a little concerned because I had a couple not-so-great days last week yet I still lost.  I’m afraid that those days will come back to haunt me next week so I need to be ultra-focused this week to try and offset that.  I know didn’t do a very good job of writing last week.  I think I was feeling discouraged and overwhelmed, but I’m back on track now.  In all areas!! 

So how did I do on my goals?  I did wake up every morning and review my goals and my day in my head.  I managed to walk twice during my lunch break and had 2 productive workouts.  I need to stay a little more dedicated to make sure I make the goals I have set for myself.  Today I did a 2 mile walk with the boys after I got home from work.  I'm doing a couple of 5k's next month (WALKING, thank you.  I don't run!) but those aren't a concern to me.  5K is only a little more than 3 miles and I can do that easily.  My current personal goal is to walk my home route in reverse - it has this really long, really steep - I mean REALLY steep hill that kind of intimidates me.  The last time I walked up it I had to stop several times to catch my breath.  I want to walk all the way up that hill without stopping, while pushing the stroller, and not be gasping for breath at the top.  When I can do that I'll know I'm really making strides.  It is my version of the stairs in "Rocky" - only I think my hill is longer and harder to climb!  I'll have to research that.

Specifically tasty meals for the week: shredded potatos with kale, onions and mushrooms - baked and topped with a little shredded pepper jack cheese; "Meatball Subs" made with falafel meatballs; and my favorite one - garlic and spinach fettucine with roasted veggies.

Only 0.8 loss AGAIN?!?!

I know, I haven't posted in a few days - just been one of those weeks, ya know?!  That being said, this is also going to be a short post.  I need to try and get some sleep.  Hopefully tonight won't be filled with tossing and turning and waking up every 45minutes or so.

So that is all I lost again - 0.8lbs.  I'm not even going to lie and say I'm all happy that at least it was a loss.  0.8lbs could be the shirt I was wearing.  But it was enough to take me down 1 more PointsPlus point.   Obviously I need to step things up even more.  I am remembering to focus myself every morning and I went on a walk at lunch yesterday.  Today was cold and hailing and I didn't feel like going out in it.  I'm going to have to get on it if I'm going to have 3 productive workouts this week.  And I can say that this week is already one that I did NOT stay within points every day.  Close, but I went over points one day.  I AM drinking the water so far.

2 yummy meals to note: Had a quick, light meal the other night of roasted Asparagus.  It was several of the really big spears and I sprayed them with olive oil cooking spray, seasoned with a touch of sea salt and pepper, and drizzled basalmic vinegar over them.  Roasted them in the oven until tender-crisp and they were so good!  Tonights meal was very simple too: rainbow chard and penne tossed with shallots, garlic and olive oil.  I put the chard in with the penne as it cooked.  It was delicious!

Well - I'm off to bed.  Going to wake up tomorrow, count my blessings, review my goals and look FORWARD.  I won't dwell on my frustration of this week any further.

New month, more determined!

So it's another month and that means it's time to reaffirm my commitment to myself.  I must say I really don't understand what my problem has been with digging into this weight loss thing whole hog.  While it is true that I don't have the kind of support group I had around me during my last big loss (there were a lot of us at work and we walked every day and kept each other on track) I still have plenty of support options out there!  Tomorrow night is weigh-in and I'm mixed about it.  On one hand I've had some really great days the last week, and I've made some good changes, but I've also had some serious roadblocks that I allowed to get in my way.  I really hope to see a loss tomorrow night but if I don't I only have myself to blame.

So about this reaffirmation.  What does this mean to me?  Over the last couple of years I've allowed myself to kind of disappear.  I've allowed my whole life to be run by family needs, work needs, charity needs and church needs.  I've let the fact that I have been so busy substitute as being useful and productive and really all I've been doing is spinning my wheels.  I've ignored my own true needs and allowed them to be covered up with my perceived "needs" of chocolate, large plates of pasta, and deciding that "time to myself" simply meant curling up in bed with a book for a few hours or getting a pedicure and going out to lunch.  What I have decided is that I need to commit this time to my health and well-being.  My work, family, church and the charity I volunteer with still need me but I can be far more useful and helpful to them if I have my own life under control.  The main way I can do this, at least for now, is to lose this weight and get healthy.  So I need to set some goals for April.  Not so big that I'll get discouraged by them, but not too small either. 

1. Drink a minimum of 80oz of water a day.  I would like to get this up to 120oz a day but let's start with 80!
2. Wake up every day and before even getting out of bed, review my goals in my head.  Give myself a pep talk and think about all the positive reasons I am doing this. Review everything good I did the day before and develop strategies to offset anything negative from the day before and prevent them from happening again.
3. Have at least 3 good, productive workouts every week.
4. Walk at lunchtime a minimum of twice a week.  I don't have to get sweaty and nasty since I do have to go back to work and we don't have a place to take a shower, but I need to keep moving throughout the day.
5. Stay within my daily PointsPlus goal and use no extra weekly points for at least 1 week.  The other weeks of the month I can get into my weekly points if I need to, but I may not ever exceed them.

There.  I think these are extremely achievable goals.  For some people this list would be a joke - like telling them to make a goal to breathe every day.  But for me this is a big thing. 

What a great day!

More specifically, what a great dinner!!  I made spicy garlic bok choy with Gardein "Sirloin" Tips over brown rice and I absolutely loved it!  Had to make sure I only ate one serving though!  I will absolutely be making that again - I really don't care that no one else in the family liked it.  I think that just shows lack of sophisticated taste buds on their part (and no - I don't care that one of them is only 9!!!  :) 

So I didn't make it to my WW meeting this week.  I was feeling just too awful on Monday to get up there.  I thought about going to a meeting tonight just to weigh in, but decided to give it a week.  Maybe then I'll see the slightly larger drop I've been wanting.  I'd also like to know why I am not losing anything in comparison to some other people I know.  I am seeing friends of mine post things like "I lost 3 lbs in one day" or I lost 5lbs this week" - what the heck?  Am I getting up in the middle of the night and going through the Taco Bell drive-through in my sleep or something?  Once again, I KNOW that continued losses like that are not "healthy" and that the losses I've been posting are the "right" way to go - but come on! 

I'm trying to decide what my reward will be for getting to my 10% weight loss.  Maybe a small tattoo, or a makeover.  Of course, the way I'm losing I'll be so old by the time I hit the 10% goal my reward will be a fresh glass to put my dentures in!!  Just kidding - I have great teeth, I won't need dentures!  I'm really looking forward to when my current 24-hour-glass figure gets closer to an 18-hour-glass figure!   

Family said it was "quite edible".....

Decided to make lasagna today.  I was going to make a vegan lasagna but so far I haven't had much luck in getting the family to eat the vegan offerings - even if they were extremely tasty in my opinion!!!  I did use the Yves "meatless" meat crumbles when I sautee'd up the onions, garlic, mushrooms and spinach but then instead of mixing it into a tofu version of ricotta and mozzeralla I used low fat versions of the real thing.  Works out to be 9pts a serving and the actual quote when I asked if they liked it was "well, it's quite edible."

I still haven't mentioned that last nights pepporoni pizza was a Tofurkey pizza and completely vegan!  I didn't even know the Tofurkey people made frozen pizzas.  I'll have to utilize that more.

I still don't see myself ever becoming completely vegetarian or vegan once Lent is over, but I can see me limiting my meat intake to only a couple of times a week, and making more vegan choices.  I do feel better overall.  The key, of course, is to continue to journal, journal, journal about every bite that goes into my mouth.  I have to be dedicated to finding out how many points things are because I keep finding my brain wanting to say "oh it's vegetarian - it's practically free!" which is SO not the case. 

Gave in to the stress....

I didn't journal what I ate Tuesday because I was so exhausted I could barely think.  The baby had me up all night Monday and ended up taking him to the emergency room at 3am.  I am NOT the kind of person who whisks her kids off to the ER or doctor for every cough, scrape or dazed look but things were pretty bad for the little guy.  Really glad I did because he had a bronchial infection that was also starting to settle in as an ear infection in both ears.  Got him on antibiotics and he is doing SO much better now!  Back to his sweet self.  The downside is that I was awake from 5:30am Monday until Tuesday night.  I didn't have any energy left to journal!!  But, I hardly had any energy to eat either so I didn't do too badly! 

Yesterday tho, I started off so well.  But things got pretty stressful later in the day and at 8:30 last night I took a dozen vegetable pot stickers, steamed them, fried them brown in oil, and ate every single bite.  Along with 2 big glasses of milk, and then followed up with not 1 but 2 pudding cups (Sugar Free and only 60 calories each, but still - 2?!)  And then I just went to bed.  That was a LOT of calories and points, all because I decided to eat rather than do something active to deal with my stress.  I feel really bad about that this morning.  SO - today I will have to be extra good.  It's no use obsessing over yesterday, I can't change it, but I can learn from it.  I can make the choice to not do the self-sabatoge thing again!

Overall, a positive week!

Let me just start with that carmelized onion quiche I was going on about.  I made it and I LOVE IT!  The crust was made with gluten free flour and I threw some flax seeds for crunch.  Although I was mildly surprised that the gluten free flour saved me absolutely nothing in terms of points values I still presume that it was at least a little healthier for me than bleached white flour.  While the onions were carmelizing - a process that takes a fantastically long time and leaves you smelling like onions the rest of the day - I took a block of light tofu, water, nutritional yeast (amazing find, that.  Great way to add protein, nutrients and flavor. Why am I just now learning about these things?!?!?), and spices and blended it all together.  Then I mixed it with the carmelized onions and some broccoli, poured it into the crust and baked it up.  It was really good!  And only 7 points per serving.  It needs some tweaking, but I'll make it again.

MorningStar Farms has become my new best friend in terms of breakfast or quick dinners.  One thing I found myself craving lately was bacon.  I adore bacon.  A LOT of bacon - crispy, yummy, bacon!  mmmmm.  Obviously, it's not an option now.  So I discovered MorningStar Farms breakfast "bacon" strips.  Will it pass for bacon?  Not    on    your    life.  But, it smells and tastes just barely enough like bacon to trick my mind into thinking it's getting some.  As long as I don't eat it on it's own.  Put it on a sandwich with a "burger" or some EggBeaters and it works just fine.  

So what happened on the scale today?  Let's review the fact that I had a good week.  I stayed within points 5 out of the 7 days and even so, still didn't use all of my weekly allowance.  Even Saturday, the little ones first birthday party, I snacked on veggies and had a small piece of cake.  I was actually excited to get on the scale tonight.  I hopped up and I was down.  I was down 0.8 lbs.  That's it.  Not even one full pound.  Ok - I know, I KNOW: I'm supposed to be happy that I went down, I'm supposed to celebrate all the good changes I've made, I'm supposed to concentrate on the fact that I'm losing at a good, healthy, keep-it-off-forever rate, I'm supposed to remember that weight loss doesn't always happen on the scale.  I KNOW!!  But really?  I really, really, really, really wanted that big, confirming, "yes you are doing the right thing" loss THIS week.  I thought for sure it would happen.  I'm not talking a biggest loser 17 pound loss.  I would be overjoyed with 4 or 5 pounds.  But I really am happy that it was a loss.  I am.  And I'm going to keep doing what I've been doing.  And I'm already thinking about dinner tomorrow night.  I'm thinking quinoa with spinach, shallots, mushrooms and maybe tomato.  What do you think? 

Portions, portions, portions!

Wow - this week has really been flying by and I just haven't had much time to sit down and write.  So far the week has been OK.  I have been trying to make the right choices and trying to get in a little more exersize.  One good thing about all the extra water I've been drinking is all the extra walking I have to do to go to the bathroom!  It's about 90 steps round trip from my desk to the bathroom and I've added at least 6 trips a day! 

My current challenge is portion control.  The other night I made a fabulous dinner!  Lightly sauteed kale, broccoli, garlic and mushroom tossed with minced shallots and whole grain penne and just a touch of fresh shredded parmesean on top.  Served with fresh out of the oven Multigrain Bread from the Essential Baking Company.  Ohhhhhh it was delicious!  The bowl I had was a touch over a single "serving" but then I had a 2nd helping.  And when I was cleaning up from dinner I found myself nibbling away at the left overs.  Thankfully it hit 8pm and I stopped but that may be the only reason I stopped before eating absolutely all of it.  Ridiculous.  I was stuffed and uncomfortable and unhappy.  I think one of the keys here may be to just stop planning for leftovers.  Usually when I cook I plan on having that meal for dinner that night and then taking the leftovers to work for lunch the next day.  If there are a lot of leftovers that means we can have them for dinner a day or two later so that I don't have to cook one evening.  Obviously though, if there is food sitting around that I liked I am simply going to keep eating it.   I guess if I only plan enough for dinner that night then the bulk of that temptation is taken away from me.

On a really positive note tho: I stayed away from the pizza the rest of the family decided they wanted for dinner last night.  It was already there when I got home; both pan crust and both with meat on them.  So instead I pulled out my Spicy "Chicken" Boca Patty and made a sandwich with lots of veggies on it. 

I think my cooking challenge for this weekend is a Carmelized Onion Quiche.  I have found some great recipes but most of them use butter and cream and lots of cheese so I shall hunt for a lighter version.  I did find a good looking Vegan version that I may try if I get the right ingredients together!

Downward!

Well I lost 1.8 lbs at my weigh in yesterday.  Of course I'm excited about this because it's a loss, but I was a little disappointed because I had been doing so well that I thought it would be more.  I know, I know - approx 2lbs a week is the safe amount to lose but every once in a while I would like to see one of those affirming 6 or 7lb loss weeks!  So - I should review my week and see what else I can do to improve. 

OK - I've reviewed my week and there are some glaring observations. 

• I need to stop eating after 8pm.  Period.  I'd like it to be sooner but with work, the kids, getting home and then cooking the meal, etc I'm lucky some nights to eat by 7:30. 
• Just because I can still stay within my points for the day does not mean I should have a couple of cookies.  I'm pretty sure elevating my calorie count isn't helping me.  I need to stop being "points fooled" - the system works best if I use my points on healthy choices.  Having the cookies once a week might be OK - but not every night. 
• Exersise.  I got a little more in last week but not a lot.  I need to just find some time to do it.  Yes, it's hard to find the time.  I rarely get to bed before 11 or 11:30 and am usually up by 5:30.  I'll just have to try setting the alarm a little sooner to try and get some exersise in.  
• Water, water, water.  I drank quite a bit last week but I think I should drink more. 

Beyond that though, I feel really good about the changes I've made and the fact that I lost weight.  It is a step in the right direction.  And considering what people in Japan are facing right now, and people in New Zeland (way overshadowed by Japan but still dealing with their own tragedies) my problems are far more manageable. 
    

Gotta watch the grazing!

So the other night I was cooking and the hubby had made himself a plate of cheese and crackers and left it on the counter.  While I was chopping, boiling, steaming and stir-frying all my healthy stuff I was mindlessly eating the crackers and cheese.  I think I had 8 or 9 crackers and at least 3 of them I put cheese on.  When I suddenly realized what I was doing I was shocked.  I always "taste as I go" as I cook - so now I wonder just how many senseless calories and points I put in my body.  Obviously this is easily solved - make sure there isn't anything sitting around that I shouldn't be nibbling on while I work.  And of course, be a little more focused on just what my hands and mouth are trying to do behind my back!

On to more positive notes.  I met a friend at McDonalds for lunch today.  I was a little concerned about what I could have because they aren't exactly vegetarian friendly there.  I chose the Southwestern Salad with no chicken.  I also didn't have the tortilla strips that are supposed to go on top.  Later when I checked the nutritional information so I could enter my points I discovered that the salad, with the strips, dressing, and grilled chicken is normally 11 points.  Salad with the dressing, no strips, and no chicken?  Only 5 points!  That is a 6 point savings!  And there is quite a bit in there - I ended up leaving a few bites in the bowl.  That extra 6 points I then used for an afternoon treat of a Grande Skinny Vanilla Latte (3 points) and one of the new Petite Lemon Sweet Squares at Starbucks (3 points)!!!  I'm all about "lots" - I want a lot of food.  I get discouranged and sad when there is only a couple small things on my plate.  So to get the salad AND the latte AND the sweet treat?  WINNING!!  (thanks CS for going crazy in public!).

I swear - one of these days excersize is going to start coming back into the picture.  I just know it!  

Vegetarian doesn't always mean low Points!

Logically I knew this already, but I have a hard time not defaulting to "Oh, it's vegetarian - it must be super healthy."  If it's sautee'd in lots of oil, or smoothed out with heavy cream, it drives the points values up from a few to a LOT.  I have a twofold reason for the vegetarian effort, well OK - I have several, but 2 of the big ones are overall health, and the theory that it will help me stay within my points values if the bulk of my meals are made up of raw or lightly cooked veggies and fleshed out with whole grains.  In theory, this will work.  But if I have tofu and sautee'd veggies from the teriyaki place and the veggies are all greasy and wilted looking things probably aren't working out the way I want!!  Thankfully when I stir-fry at home I just use a couple spritzes from my Pam.

So of course early on I'm all about trying the different products out there and let me just say it is MUCH nicer to do this now than say, 10 years ago!!  This morning I had a toasted english muffin with EggBeaters, tomato and 3 slices of Tofurkey lunch meat.  It was delicious!  Thanks to suggestions from my friend Michelle, the Vegan Goddess, I am going to try a greenie smoothie tomorrow morning.  I'll certainly let you know how THAT goes down! 

Now my other trick is to try and make meals that the husband and the kids will eat.  The baby is easy - he loves fruits, tofu, pasta and since he's not quite a year yet he is still on the bottle.  While I loved last nights Bok Choy and Tofu stir fry over brown rice the older son only ate the rice and a few of the other veggies and the hubby didn't try any of it.  I work all day, getting home about 6, and evening bedtime routines start around 8.  I DON'T want to spend that entire 2 hours cooking, I like to spend some of it with my family and the time after the kids are in bed is spent cleaning & doing laundry.  So the challenge is to find yummy vegetarian/vegan meals that I can make FAST.  If I make any that the whole family jumps up and down for I'll post them for ya!

Gonna be a journey...

First of all: YAY!  I lost weight last week!  That is a double edged sword right now.  There is the part of me (this is the part I want to get stronger and be around all the time) that says "Just think of how much more you may have lost had you stayed on course all week!."  This is a good thing because it's motivational - how much better can I do?  Then, there is the bad part of me that says "Wow - look at all the bad things you ate and still lost weight!"  This is not a good thing and I need to nip it in the bud right now. 

So, in the interest of trying to force myself to make the right choices, eat healthier, and stay on track I am doing something I've never done before.  I'm giving up something for Lent.  Meat.  Yes - I am going to be a vegetarian the next 40 days.  This is going to be difficult for me because all the quick easy meals I know have meat in them and I'm not sure I can force my family to go meatless with me.  I've never been sucessful at giving up food before but if I'm going to start with something I'm better off with meat than I am with chocolate or coffee.  I think this is going to be very hard for me and yes, I know I'm supposed to be all gung-ho and supportive of myself but right now I'm not 100% sure I can do it.  But I am going to try.  I'm going to start with this week and hopefully I'll see another loss on the scale next week which will help motivate me to keep going.  At least tonight will be easy - the meal I plan on making is vegetarian anyway.  Lightly sautee'd veggies tossed with lemon-ginger fettucine, artichoke hearts and capers.  

I really, really will need support on this one!

Down 3.6 lbs!!!! Couldn't wait til tomorrow to post that!! More thoughts about it tomorrow.

I guess I'll see how it went!

I was really proud of myself for how well I did at the Pike Place Market on Saturday.  I stayed away from most of the junk.  I did share a very hearty grilled cheese sandwich, but I only had 1/3 of it and the rest of what I had were fruit & veggie samples and a handful of nuts.  I admit I had half of one small personal cheesecake (about the size of a tangelo) from The Confectional but still I stayed within my points for the day.   My boys and I did a LOT of walking around and we were all bushed by the time we got home at the end of the day.

SUNDAY, however, was a different story.  I started off well enough but by the end of the day had not just gone off track, but had crashed and burned at the bottom of a ravine.   Ugh – and the day before weigh in too!  WHY the heck do I sabatoge myself like that?  What reason could I possibly have for wanting to stay fat?  I weigh in tonight and can only hope that even though I wasn’t as good as I should be, I was better than I have been so maybe I’ll see a loss. 

Carbs are NOT my friend!

At least not in the evenings.  I was doing so well yesterday and then I had some toast with my dinner (felt like "breakfast" for dinner - Egg beaters, canadian bacon, fat free cheese - yummy!) but I figured since I had so many points left for the day and we are supposed to try and use them up it would be OK to add 2 small pieces of toast with butter spray.  Tasted so good I had 1 more.  Then for a "snack" later I had a toasted bagel with peanut butter.  Put me over points for the day.  I know there is a lot more I need to figure out besides just "don't eat carbs in the evening" - there are a lot of other issues in my life I need to work out but I think it will be easier to work on those if I get some of the easy "low hanging fruit" out of the way!

I'm excited for today.  Had a delicious grapefruit for breakfast and in a little bit I'm taking the boys on the train downtown to go explore the Public Market.  It's been years since I've been there and my older son wants to check out Beechers Cheese.  They came to his school this week to talk about healthy eating and types of food and he wants to see their place.  If the weather gets really gusty and bad we'll just detour to the Seattle Public Library - the building itself is a work of art and so much fun to explore.  The draw tho is the childrens section - it's huge and completely separate from the rest of the library so kids can be kids and it has a toddler play area for the little one to play in.   I think getting out of the house and walking around (as long as I avoid any non-healthy samples at the market - looking forward to the fuit & veggies!) will be good.  I need to switch up my routine if I want my changes to take hold and actually start losing weight!

Imagine what I could do......

If only I would stay on track and have every day be like 95% of yesterday was!!!  I must say yesterday went much better than Wednesday did.  I stayed within points and one of the things I noticed was that I ate all day but made the right choices and my energy level stayed consistent, I was able to focus, and I didn’t feel hungry.  I had to “car eat” in the evening and chose the Chicken Soft Taco Light from Taco Time.  It was 1 point higher than a McChicken Sandwich from McDonalds but is a bit larger and more satisfying so certainly a better choice.  Had stress when I got home at 9:30 and after getting the kids in bed sat down and ate 2 Pop Tarts for 10 points – leaving 1 point left over.  I didn’t need or even particularly want the Pop Tarts, it was absolutely a stress thing.  THAT is something I need to figure out and bring under control. 

Which brings me to exercise.  I know how important that is not just as an aid in weight loss but in stress management.  The problem is finding the time.  I have a 9yr old and an (almost) 1 year old.  By the time I get off work, get them picked up and get to the gym it is late and the little dude is grouchy.  I end up not getting much of a workout done.  The streets in my area oddly have few sidewalks yet it is a busy area full of stupid drivers and I don’t feel safe walking on the side of the road.  The gym at my apartments is only open during office hours (9-5 m-f).  I guess my best option is to walk during my lunch at work.  I do try to do that, but it’s hard sometimes to make myself do it.  I’d rather relax a bit and read while I eat; or go out with my co-workers; or I work through lunch and eat while I work.  I’d be grateful if you guys could let me know what you do to get around this issue.  I’m going to try to just suck it up and do it at lunch but it’s hard – especially when it’s pouring rain, hail, and high winds which happens a lot in the Seattle area!  Do any of you just happen to work around IKEA in Renton and would want to walk at lunchtime?  Of course, more people would need to read this blog if I’m going to get many responses to any of my questions!!!

Well evenings are certainly a problem.

I will do really well throughout the day but then once evening hits I just start eating.  I’ll start off well enough but then it just spirals out of control.  Last night I had a small portion of this pasta dish I made.  It has a lot of cheese so is 9 points for a cup, but it’s very satisfying so to me it’s worth the higher points value.  A little later I wanted some avocado so I cut a small slice.  Well that tasted so good I took the rest, mashed it up in a bowl with some lemon juice, grabbed a handful of tortilla chips and ate that too.  Now at this point I was 2 points over my daily allowance, not great but not a disaster – I mean, that’s what the extra weekly points are for, right?  But then just before I headed off to bed I felt the need to eat 3 Girl Scout cookies which were another 12 points.  I thought I was being smart by only buying the Samoas because I don’t like those.  Last night I guess that didn’t matter.  So not only am I just eating anything I see in the evenings, but I’m doing it and then just going to bed.  That’s like a triple whammy of nooooooo!!! 

I’m also trying to be more concerned with calories even though I know WW doesn’t use calories in figuring out points values any more.  Trimming 3500 calories out of your diet every week can result in a 1lb loss so in theory if I cut my caloric intake to 1300-1500 calories a day I should be able to get 2-3 pounds a week.  Events like last night don’t really help with that!

Now I KNOW I’m not the only one that has this particular problem so I’d really like to hear your thoughts, hints and ideas to help me through this. 

Tomorrows musings: exercise

I DRANK A 1/2 GALLON OF MILK IN ONE AFTERNOON!!!!

I mean really?  Come on!  Who does that?  Well, apparently I do.  I don’t even know what set it off but I couldn’t get enough.  I just kept drinking until the entire half-gallon was gone.   What’s worse is that it was whole milk.  I don’t drink a lot of cows milk any more as it is – I usually drink almond milk.  It’s lower in calories and higher in calcium and other nutrients.  When I do drink regular milk it’s usually 1% or 2% (I just don’t like fat free that much) never whole milk!  I’m guessing there was some deficiency or imbalance that my body decided only milk could cure but please God – don’t let that happen again!

Well I finally got myself back to my Weight Watchers meeting this week.  I am way over what I was.  Pants that were loose on me a few weeks ago are now tight and uncomfortable.  What was nice was that I was surrounded by people just like me.  Some had been having the same problems I had, others were near goal already. All of them were an inspiration to get back on track.  So starting yesterday I did.  It helped that I got my first box of organic produce from Full Circle Farms.  They have a delivery program that we take advantage of at my work.  I made carmelized ciprioni (sp?) onions with red chard, mushrooms and capers and it was delicious!  SO – back to more veggies, more water, and trying to get some excersize in.  It will be nice to see some downward progress on the scales next Monday!

Well, I've done it now

I joined the NetworkedBlogs site, added my Twitter and Facebook accounts and now every time I do this everyone will see.  You have no idea how much, how very very much that terrifies me.  I try to come across as strong, and with a good sense of humor and a "so what - this is who I am, there's no hiding it so why be embarassed about it" attitude but inside I'm really really scared about what people will think, how they will view me, whatever.  I know what they say "true friends don't judge, don't tease, and support you and love you no matter what" but that doesn't make the negative ones hurt any less!

ANYWAY - that's enough of that.  I was going through some other weight loss blogs and WOW - some of those people have some really freakin' cool blogs.  Mine is so bland in comparison.  I am really going to have to start doing some research on how to make my blog look better visually and how to add more interesting elements to it!  I also have to figure out how to get that monsterously large NetworkedBlogs tag off the top.  My god! 

Portion Control!!!!

I know this and really so do most of you.  But I just wanted to say it anyway.  I went to an Indian restaurant today for lunch and had the Lamb Palek.  The portion was just right - a small wedge of naan, a bit of saffron rice, some salad (lettuce, tomato and cucumber on the side of the plate - but perfect with the meal) and a small bowl of the lamb/spinach entree.  The whole thing fit on a plate not much larger than a bread plate in most restaurants and it was GOOD.  It satisfied me without allowing me to over-stuff myself and made me feel good about eating it.  I also had way more energy in the afternoon.  Later I realized just how much oil was probably in the Lamb Palek but overall I still think it was a pretty healthy meal.  What struck me was how satisfied I felt even though I had eaten just a small portion of what I usually would. I really need to remember this - I know it, I just don't like to live by it.  I think I'm afraid I'm going to miss out on something but what did I miss here?  Nothing.  I need to adopt more of a "small bites" mentality.  I can still have several different things on my plate - but only a couple of bites of each.  That way I still get to taste all the different flavors but I don't overdo it.  Yeah.  I'll let you know how that goes for me. 

OH MY GOD I SUCK AT BLOGGING!

How do people DO this every day?  Or even every week?  I have a life (kind of) and responsibilities (a lot of) and it didn't even occur to me to sit down and write something.  Sadly, it hasn't seemed to occur to me to do much about my weight either.  I haven't gained anything lately, but I haven't lost either.  I haven't made it to a WW meeting in weeks due to appointments but those are over and I plan to resume attending my meetings. 

Here is the biggest problem I'm having lately - excersize.  Or rather, lack thereof.  I know I have to excersize if I'm going to stand any chance of losing weight but my goodness it's hard to find time.  It is really hard to take the baby to the gym in the evenings because that is when he is cranky and tired and wants nothing to do with it but I can only go in the mornings on the weekends.  I would love to just go out and walk every night but my neighborhood isn't the safest for walking.  There aren't a lot of sidewalks and there are a lot of stupid drivers that don't pay attention.  So I would have to load the kids up and go somewhere just to take a walk. I'm trying to do more excersize stuff when I'm around the house but multi-tasking excersize and housework is harder than it seems.  I think I just need to put my foot down and do it. 

Oh my God. So here I am not really blogging even once a week. I know, I should do it more often. I mean, geez - look at the girl who made sure the news knew all about the fact that she blogged weekly to keep her on track. Let's face it tho - I'm not doing this for fame or notoriety or for anyone else other than myself. I'm also really busy and really lazy so I just plain don't do it as much as I should. Deal with it.

Anyway - I pretty much decided that I would rather eat, drink and be merry over the holidays than lose weight. And NO - I didn't excersize either. That does not exactly go hand-in-hand with the whole "eat, drink, and be merry" scenario. Of course, the holidays have been over for a few weeks and I'm still gaining. I guess I need to get serious about it. I have discovered that I LOVE vegetables. LOVE them! I sautee' cut brussels sprouts in a pan with garlic and some cooking spray. I also shake califlower and broccoli in a bag with garlic, onion, salt & pepper and bake it for a few minutes and eat the crap out of that too! I love grapefruit, tofu, oranges, apples, carrots, etc. The problem is that I will also eat a massive amount of fettucine with chicken, garlic cloves and capers in a garlic cream sauce along with a few slices of bread, a bowl of minestrone soup, and top it all off with a triple chocolate mousse cake. It's portion control and self control I'm having an issue with here.

So how did I do overall? I'm up to 260.
YES - you read that right. I gained so much weight that I'm now 2 pounds heavier than when I was when I started this blog. Fun times, eh? Some people have said "really that's not so bad - it's not like you have to lose 20lbs again or anything" but that's not the point. The point is that despite the fact that I'm on WW and have a gym membership, I've simply managed to make myself fatter and I now have to "re-lose" all the weight I had already lost.

Sigh.

And once again I start again. I'm like a car wreck - you know you can't stop staring and comparing your awesomeness to me. Doesn't matter. It WILL sink in and take root. I know it will. I just need to keep trying.