Day 3 - kind of.

OK, I never actually said I would blog every DAY, did I? I guess I should change the titles from now on tho. There will be times I blog daily, other times a week or so will go by before I do. I think ultimately it will settle into a once or twice a week thing.

So how have I been doing? Well, not so great - but then I anticipated that. I went up over 3 pounds at the weigh in on Monday. But there were a lot of things I wanted to do last week and I made the decision that I didn't want to NOT do them. I wanted to enjoy the food, the drinks, the time with my friends. So I've paid for it by now having to re-lose those 3 pounds. I still stand by the decision. Some of you think it's a bad choice but you know what - I don't. I have things going on this week too but I'm not going to sabatoge my weight loss by overindulging on them. Same with Christmas next week. It was worth it this last week and now it's time to start again. In reality I should probably only drink water and eat small quantities of 0-point foods from now until New Years because the amount I drank on Saturday probably used up all my points for the rest of the year!!!! Good think I love that roasted vegetable soup I make. It's only 1 or 2 points for a whole bowl. I'll be eating a lot of that.

Day 2

Just so you know, this isn't day 2 of my weight loss journey. I rejoined Weight Watchers back in September. This is just day 2 of blogging about it.

I can predict a recurring theme happening which I'm pretty sure will bore any reader to tears cause I know I'm already bored by it: I meant to be good today but gave in and ate too much. Happens all the flippin time. Not because I can't control myself but because I won't. Because I call bullshit on the old adage of "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels." Whoever said that crap obviously has never had the delight of a piece of coconut cream pie from the Dahlia Lounge or the sinfully good Tuxedo Mousse Cake from Something Delicious! I like to eat and sometimes I just plain don't care what it does to my diet. Take today for example. I started off just fine. Had my WW oatmeal and a cup of almond milk. Had a banana for a snack. Then decided to go out to lunch. The main course I ordered was only 11 points, but the guacamole I added to it? An additional 15 points. Having the guac sent my system into a "gotta have more crap" mode and before the day was over I had 3 big pieces of candy, a cookie from the tray on the work table, and a soy peppermint white mocha from Starbucks. It's only Tuesday for crying out loud and I've just submaried my whole week! I still have our department holiday outing at that great Irish place on Thursday and our friends big Christmas party on Saturday. I mean - I look forward to that every year! Much beer WILL be consumed. So why? I mean, I can try to salvage the week by eating my roasted vegetable soup, which I love, but why would I do this to myself? I know, the thinner, athletic, dedicated people out there just think I'm weak and maybe I am. But isn't this what the journey is all about? Discovering myself? Finding out why I do what I do and what really matters to me?

So there you have it. Will every day read like this? Maybe. Will I have anything interesting to say to anyone other than myself? Maybe. I don't know but on we go.

Well, here I go.

My name is Wendie and I currently weigh 258 pounds.

There, I said it. And in a few minutes it will be out there for anyone with Internet access to read. Although admittedly, I'm not going to be advertising the fact that I'm writing this right away. If someone happens to stumble across it, fine, but I don't plan to fess up until I have a little more to show for myself. Am I chicken? You bet. Most women, even close friends, won't admit their weight to anyone. Sure, they'll say "I used to weigh 215 pounds" or "I just lost 35 pounds" but rarely will they just up and say "I weigh 258 pounds." That is just a massive number and yes, it's embarrassing and humiliating and mortifying. But lets face it; no one who has ever met me face to face would be completely surprised by it. I challenge anyone out there to look at me and say "Oh - I think she's a petite size 6." Nope, won't happen. 258 is down from my all time high of 294, but it's still kind of like saying "Well, I used to eat a dozen donuts every day, now I only eat 8."

I wasn't always superfat. I've never been thin and I'm not sure I ever could be and still be healthy. The lowest I've ever weighed in my adult life was 145lbs when I was in my early 20's. I worked out all the time and rode my bike for hours every week but I couldn't eat a grape without fear of tearing the seams of my pants. When I relaxed a bit and gained about 20lbs I actually looked better and felt better. Oddly I had more dates too. Probably because I felt better and more self-confident. What happened? Life, marriage, laziness. I stopped focusing on eating healthy food, stopped exercising, let myself go. And now I pay for it. I used to be in good shape too; yes still overweight but my cardiovascular system put most everyone else to shame. Now it is the cardiovascular system of a 42yr old fat wife & mother.

SO - what is my point here? Well, I've joined Weight Watchers and while my ultimate goal is to get to at least 170, right now I want to say goodbye to the 250's. I guess I figure if I blog about it and put it out there I'll have to be more accountable. I'll have to stick to the program more and try to find ways to fit more exercise in. And maybe by writing about my journey I'll be more invested in myself. Maybe I'll discover some stuff about myself and maybe something good will come of it. Anyway - either you will find this blog and follow it or you won't. Maybe it will mean something to you, maybe not. You may find me disgusting, or courageous, or stupid, or just another idiot writing about her life on the web as if anyone else cares. Well, I care and I'm doing it for me. You are welcome to come along for the ride.