Let's try this again, shall we?

Well, here I am back after forever away.  Can't say I'll post daily or even weekly but I think I need to get back to it. 

Let's see, what I have been doing?  Losing weight - yes!  And no.  And yes again!  And then no again. Can you feel the wind on that roller coaster?!  

Going to school - may be going to school the rest of my natural life if I don't buckle down again.  I can only manage about 12 units per term on top of working full time, church, volunteer work and of course my boys. They do take a lot of time - but we have fun!  Bug is 13 and my Sweet Potato is 5 now.  It is an adventure.

Frustrating and infuriating.  I'm mad at myself because if I just stuck with anything I would be more where I want to be and not even further from it than I was when I first started this blog. But no.  BUT, I'm not here to beat myself up.  I'm here to start again. Current weight?  Not a clue.  Haven't stepped on a scale in months. So what am I doing this time?  No set diet - just a series of life changes that NEED to become permanent. And I mean NEED.  My health has taken a bit of a dive.  Blood pressure is up; I get winded doing simple things; my back, hip and knees ache terribly; I don't sleep well.  It's pretty awful.  I'm only 47 and if I plan on being an active and interesting 100-year-old I better turn this crap around.  Right now I've cut the carbs drastically.  No, I'm not doing Atkins but I need to get my carb craving under control because it leads to massive over-eating, a ton of excess calories, etc.  It's hard because I love bread. And pasta. And pasta with bread. So I'm cutting it out for a little while and then will add it back in slowly later.  Except for game nights.  I have given myself permission to eat & drink anything on game nights!

So yup, I'm back.  We'll see how well I stick with it this time! 

DOWN 6.8 LBS THIS WEEK!!!

WHOO HOO!  I am so excited to see such a jump!  Now I must continue to capitalize on this! 

Let's see, what did I do to maybe cause this?  Not much honestly.  I was so busy at work last week that I didn't eat much during the day and when I got home I was also busy and tired and just didn't sit and eat a lot.  BUT - I also drank a lot of water, got some exersize, and made sure that what I did eat was healthy and the best "bang for my buck." 

SO - what does this mean for this week, when I have already found myself eating more than last week?  Well, I have been re-motivated by last weeks loss.  I also remember that it really didn't take some huge plate of food for me to feel full and satisfied.  So I am trying to go back to that sort of thing: much smaller portions, taking longer to eat what I have, and making sure that what is on that plate is healthy and filling.  And of course trying to get some exersize in as well.  

I don't think a 6+ lb loss every week is the healthiest way to go, nor is it really feasible for me, but boy did it feel good!

THANK YOU MICHELLE and other ramblings

Right off the bat let me say THANK YOU to my dear friend Michelle for the “Appetite for Reduction” cookbook!  It is full of low-fat vegan recipes and while I am no longer doing the full-on vegan or vegetarian experiment I still try to keep at least 60% of my meals meat-free.  One of the biggest problems I had was finding low-fat options that kept the variety in my diet so that I wouldn’t get bored.  So many vegan & vegetarian recipes that I found used quite a bit of oil/butter/etc which while keeping the flavor level high did absolutely nothing for my WW Points+ values.  In fact, several items I made were so high in points that I would have been better off with steak and a salad.  I have been looking through my new cookbook in eager anticipation of the culinary delights to soon grace my plate!  I will post pictures and reviews as I make them!

I really have no excuse for not posting more often.  Yes, I’ve been exceedingly busy, was out of town for a few days and I currently have an apartment full of company but I should be able to find at least a few minutes each day to post my progress for that day.  As for progress, I am making some!  I worked really really hard during the week before and week of Memorial Day.  I stayed within points, did my Zumba workouts, walked at lunch, etc.  I FELT better and my clothes fit a little better – but for all that on my WW weigh in after 2 weeks (because they were closed on Memorial Day and I weigh in on Mondays) was only a 1 lb loss.  I know I’m doing well because of how I feel and how my clothes fit but still – that was really discouraging.  I haven’t been working out as hard the last 2 weeks but I have been watching what I eat so it will be interesting to see what the weigh-in is like tonight.  I can’t trust my scale at home – I got on it 3 times this morning and each reading was different – by up to 6lbs!  Obviously time for a new scale!

I’ve also been looking over my blog page and it could use some spiffing up.  I need to figure out how to do the tabs across the top so that I can rearrange how this looks and add some more information.  There is a lot of stuff I’d like to add or do but I don’t want to keep trying to cram it all onto one page.  So if my page starts looking weird or doing odd things please bear with me because I don’t know what I’m doing in that respect!

Thanks for reading!

Fantastic Weekend!

While I haven't blogged every day as I had hoped, I have at least had a great time the last few days to justify it!  I took Thursday and Friday off and the weather cooperated and it has been a great 4 days!  On Thursday I chaperoned my oldest's class to the Washington History Museum.  That was a lot of walking around and I ate well all day too.  Friday was "me" day.  I started off with Zumba, had a pedicure, lunch with a friend and got my hair done.  That night, my 9 year old spent the night at his grandparents house which gave me some 1-on-1 time with the baby (if you can still call 15 months a baby!) and then some much needed quiet time after he went to bed!  Saturday was the nicest day we have had in Seattle in 9 months!!  No kidding, I heard it on the news - 9 months since we have had weather that nice.  It was crystal clear, temps well into the 70's, nice, nice, nice!  So had a workout at the gym and then after my dental appointment I took the boys to the pool and spent a couple of hours playing in the water and soaking up the sun.  Today is calm day.  Had an outdoor service at church followed by a BBQ and games. Now I know I need to work on some laundry and cleaning but I think I'm just going to curl up with my book for a while.

Anyway, I didn't spend the weekend obsessing on my weight, my activity level, or my food choices.  I just got up and got moving and made pretty decent choices overall.  I'm interested to see what my weigh-in does tomorrow.  It will be 2 weeks since the last one. 

I just re-read what I wrote and realized I pretty much just gave a step-by-step of my weekend but didn't get into any deep feelings or make any great breakthroughs or revalations and  you know, it's because I didn't have any!  I really didn't do "deep" the last 4 days. Other than a couple of notable exceptions on Thursday I tried to keep the rest of the weekend surface-level and relaxed and I am far better today for having done so.  Even though I didn't get to take any naps, or do any meditation, I feel more rested and refreshed than I have in a long time.  The time I've spent with my boys has been a little slice of heaven this weekend. 

Could have been better...

I was having such good results I got lazy.  I have kind of taken the last 2 days "off" - not that I've gone crazy eating or anything but I haven't been real strict about what I eat and I've backed off the exersize.  Tonight I feel it.  I already feel sluggish and tired and fat instead of fat but energized.  At least I recognize it so tomorrow I will get up and Zumba again.  Then it's off to chaperone my oldests class to the Washington History Museum.  That should be fun.  It's been years since I've been down there so it should be interesting. 

I also recognized that part of the laziness both in eating and exersizing came because I was feeling overwhelmed.   Work, home, the boys, my spouses' issues (which he continues to try and put on my shoulders to resolve and even though I won't it's exhausting dealing with him about it), car issues, finances, etc - just kind of all piled up and I felt overwhelmed so I took a shortcut in the easiest area for me: my food and exersize routine. And yet that is the area I need to keep up on because it is what will most help me deal with everything else in my life.  If I am eating healthy and exersizing I will feel strong, capable and far less stressed.  I have to remember that I am making my health a top priority for me and I can't let other issues take that focus away from me.

One thing I have tried to incorporate into my days is what I call "little bursts" - and that is exactly what I do.  I try to throw some extra little thing in whenever I get up from my desk.  When I go to the bathroom I do 10 wall push-ups and 10 dips to help work on my arms (and with the amount of water I drink these days I go to the bathroom at least once an hour); when I have to go downstairs or out on the floor I throw an extra trip up and down the stairs; little things like that.  It's not great concentrated effort but I figure every little bit helps, right?

SO - tomorrow it is back to the Zumba, the "little bursts", and the healthy choices.

Productive and Proactive!

I know the day isn't over yet but I have some plans for later in the day and I'm not sure I'll get a chance to post later.  It has been a busy day so far; laundry, cleaning, playing with the boys, etc.  Now my oldest has his friends over and you can't really tell I cleaned the living room but at least I know it STARTED clean!  I also made some steps to set myself up for the week.  Safeway had a BOGO Free on family packs of boneless, skinless chicken breasts so I picked up 2 packs.  I then broke them down into packs of 2 for freezing.  Some I even pre-seasoned so that they will marinate as they defrost when I take them out of the freezer.  I also cleaned and cut a bunch of radishes, celery and carrots and stuck them in containers of water in the fridge; and cut up a bunch of melon and stuck it into the fridge as well.  Now I have quick, easy, healthy snacks and easy dinners set up ready to go for the week.  So far today I have been really good; made a breakfast burrito with Egg Beaters, a little avacado, and a bunch of tomato.  Then for lunch I had tuna on a light english muffin with tomato and radish.  I'm going to try to get on the Wii Fit Plus later today after I kick all the kids out of the house!

I feel good about the choices I have made today so far and I feel like I am setting myself up for a great week.  Talked with my mom today and found out that she and my dad are still planning on coming to visit at some point this summer.  Probably in late June.  That is fantastic in that I miss them terribly (they live in Pennsylvania) and my mom usually tries to cook healthy these days; but she cooks a lot.  I try to tell her to take it easy and not do anything but relax while she is here but bless her heart, she cooks and cleans anyway.  Which I admit, I don't fight too hard.  It is awfully nice to have someone helping me out for a bit!! There is always way too much food and that leads to me overeating and oversnacking.  So I'll need to make sure to plan in advance for that and talk with her about meal ideas that help to support my weight loss efforts while still fulfilling her need to make sure her family is well fed at all times! 

Started weak, ended strong.

Stressful day today.  It started out OK but then Mike came by and that really stresses me out and I found myself starting to eat all the wrong things and a lot of them.  I realized what I was doing and with a rather herculean effort managed to make myself stop and do a little exersize, not much but it stopped my binge.  I also got him out of the house with strict instructions that I wouldn't see him until next weekend.  (FYI - Mike is my husband and he isn't living at home right now.  He needs some time to work on some issues he has and to get his life together and I need some time as well.  We try to have a "visitation" during the weekend days so that he and the boys can spend some time together and he and I can work on our relationship too.)  There has been a lot of friction there and too often turn to food to comfort myself.  I simply can't allow that to continue to happen.  I need to be in charge of my life and stop letting anyone elses actions drive my reactions.  Eating myself silly never really makes me feel better and just makes me more unhappy in the end.  It's kind of like swallowing poison yourself and then waiting for the other person to die. Not the most effective way to go about things.

Later, the boys and I went to a friends son's birthday party and yes, I had a little cake and ice cream and 2 small cream puffs (and man was it all delicious!) but I'm not going to beat myself up over that.  I came home and did a little more exersize and simply stopped eating for the night.  Tomorrow already feels like it is going to be a good day.  I have all the right foods in the house and I already have a plan for some exersize.

So while I did overeat today, I feel like I made a lot of progress in standing up for myself and taking control of my life.  Another positive is that I hopped on the scale today and I'm down about 6 pounds from the last time I hopped on that scale - which was a while ago.  My WW meeting is closed tomorrow so I won't have another weigh-in until next Monday.  That gives me time to offset the damage I did to myself today and get a little more weight off before then.  I don't know where my scale at home falls in comparison to the one at my meeting - I know it is off a little.  I keep meaning to come home from my weigh-in at WW and then get on the one at home to compare but I always forget.  So until I manage to remember to do that I just use it as I guide to see if I'm going up or down.  I use my WW weigh-in as my official weight.  So I have another week to continue to push myself and see what kind of progress I can make!

Zumba! I crack myself up!

Well, overall I've been doing OK this week.  I've rocked it during the day but my evenings are still tough.  I try to eat right but end up eating a lot more than I planned to.  However, I have really upped my workout times.  I started doing the Zumba for Wii in the mornings.  It is hard - especially since I have no real sense of rhythm and I end up cracking myself up because I know I look ridiculous, but it is a lot of fun too!  I have been getting up early and doing a 20 minute routine.  I really can't wait until I start getting some of the moves down!  I also walked during my lunch time 3 times this week and I worked out at the gym this morning.  I know my weightloss won't be as big as I would like because of the volume of food I have been consuming in the evening (and today hasn't been the healthiest of days but it was a nice lazy day to spend with my boys) but I feel better about myself. 

I finally decided (thank you to Mellissa for the well timed kick in the ass!) that I'm tired of all this self-pity and beating myself up. Yes it's true, if I had stuck to the program and increased my excersize months ago I would be much much closer to my goal weight now.  BUT - it's also true that if I hadn't been doing what I've been doing so far I could have gained a lot of weight too.  So even though I've been working on losing the same few pounds over and over and least I haven't gained anything extra.  Now, however - it's time to move on.  It's time to put myself and my health at the top of my priority list.  I've been trying to take care of everyone else and satisfy everyone else's needs that I have let myself slip away. It's time to reclaim my life.

I did my first 5K!!!

On Sunday I did the Nordstroms Beat The Bridge 5k.  My group walked (I really don't run - ever) and it was POURING down rain, but I did it and I'm so proud of myself!  And of my 9yr old son who did the walk with me!

Now 5K really isn't that far, only 3.1 or 3.2 miles or something like that and I routinely do more than that on the treadmill but let me tell you - it is WAY different doing it on the streets.  I was sore on Monday which tells me something about my excersize routine: I need to step it up.  Which of course, I need to do anyway because let's face it - I'm not losing any weight.  I'm not doing as well as I should in following my WW+ plan or my excersize plan so I keep just fighting the same few pounds over and over.  I need to get myself together.  I keep zooming between "I can do this - EASY" and "No, you are too lazy to do this and will just always be fat so go ahead and have another bowl of pasta" - I feel like I'm on one of those rides at the fair; you know the ball on the giant slingshot thing.  It's ridiculous.  I've been doing this long enough that I should be down quite a significant amount by now but I'm not. 

BUT - I am still really proud of myself for doing the 5k in the rain and I'm looking forward to finding more things like that to do throughout the summer (hopefully sans rain!).  

Why can't emotional eating mean downing a giant spinach salad?!?

I mean, right?  :) 
I haven't exactly been following through on posting more often.  In fact, I haven't been following through on a LOT of things these last 2 weeks or so.  It has been a really emotional couple of weeks for me and I've been wallowing around in a self-pity-mudpit allowing it to get the best of me.  Earlier today I had come to the firm decision to kick this to the curb, pull myself together, and come back stronger than ever.  But now tonight I just want to curl  up into a ball again.  And to top it off instead of saying "well, I've had a setback, lets get back on it" I find myself dwelling on just how much weight I could have lost by now had I stuck with the program and increased my excersize.  Instead I'm losing the same 5-6 pounds over and over again.  It's disgusting, stupid, and instead of being a catalyst I've allowed it to become demoralizing and get the best of me.  AARRRGGHH. 

Anyway - on to at least something positive.  Even though Lent is over and I have re-introduced meat into my life I still try to keep at least 60% of my meals vegetarian.  My latest find is roasted radishes.  Yes - radishes.  Roasting them in the oven completely changes them!  It makes them sweet and creamy (not that there is anything wrong with normal, raw radishes - I chomp on them all the time).  Cut them in half, spray with some olive oil cooking spray, sprinkle with salt and roast in your oven at 400. When they are just done roasting brown a little butter in a pan (I use 1-2 Tablespoons of Earth Balance vegan "butter"), add the green tops of the radishes and cook them until just wilted.  Mix with the radishes and squeeze some fresh lemon over the top.  SO GOOD!.  In fact, that's what I'm having for dinner tomorrow night. 
I also got a new kitten.  My oldest named him Jimmy and he is a holy terror.  In fact he is right now systematically destroying the dining area in my apartment.  Last night he managed to climb into the baby's crib and was playing with his feet.  OF COURSE this woke up the baby and he wouldn't go back to sleep.  Jimmy and I had a "come-to-Jesus" meeting after that stunt.  OK, he just raced up my leg and arm, onto my shoulder and used my neck as a jumping off point.  I think I'm going to just go quietly bleed to death....gah.

Been real lax lately - I'm sorry!

I realized I've been exceedingly lax about posting the last week or so.  I enjoy doing this so just like I make time for myself to go to my WW meetings on Monday's, I need to make time for myself to write and post at LEAST a few times a week.  Even if it's short, at least it's something!

Well, I'm proud to say I was down again.  1 pound!  This makes 6 consecutive weigh-in's with a loss!!  Is it as much as I had hoped for?  No.  But I'm coming to accept and be happy with any loss, no matter how small.  It means I'm making the right choices often enough to make a difference in my weight and ultimately my health.

Tonight has not been so great.  I recognize that I have been doing some serious emotional eating and I even know what the trigger is, what emotions I am trying to appease with food, but I didn't choose to stop.  Some might say that it is a huge step just to recognize that I AM doing the emotional eating thing and even a bigger step to know what those emotions are.  That is the first move toward avoiding it in the future.  I think it's just a moment of sheer weakness.  I realize it's all emotional, I know what those emotions are and what triggered them, and I said "oh good - that's why" and reached for another piece of peanut butter toast.  5 of them.  YES - 5.  I now feel so sick and bloated but God help me, I still want another piece.  I'm not going to have one, but I want it.  I'm going to have to walk about 10,000 miles to offset tonight!!   I guess this leads me to the question of tonight, and of all time, WHY?  WHY do I see what it is and yet continue to feed it, rather than fix it?  I know I'm not the only one that does this.  What tips do you guys have to help me with this?

A positive note is that I am doing the Beat The Bridge 5K next month for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation.  This is a week before the WW 5K challenge.  I'm glad I'm doing this.  I don't really have any problem walking a 5K course, I just enjoy the fact that I will be out doing it. 
In case you want to check it out please go to http://www.beatthebridge.org/site/TR/Events/General?px=1530509&pg=personal&fr_id=1150 
You can check out the cause, the race, or even choose to support me and my team and make a donation.

Well, that's it for tonight.   I really want to say thank you for those of you who follow me and for everyone who has posted comments for me.  Your insight, encouragement and stories are helpful and inspirational to me!! 

YAY! Finally a weight loss that is more than just what shoes I had on!!

Finally!  I broke the 0.8 streak I had been on!  Whoo hoo!  This last week I managed to lose 1.2 pounds.  I am very happy about this.  I mean really, .8?  That's like wearing a lighter pair of shoes or a light blouse instead of a sweater!  I feel really driven to see just how much I can lose next week.  I’m also a little concerned because I had a couple not-so-great days last week yet I still lost.  I’m afraid that those days will come back to haunt me next week so I need to be ultra-focused this week to try and offset that.  I know didn’t do a very good job of writing last week.  I think I was feeling discouraged and overwhelmed, but I’m back on track now.  In all areas!! 

So how did I do on my goals?  I did wake up every morning and review my goals and my day in my head.  I managed to walk twice during my lunch break and had 2 productive workouts.  I need to stay a little more dedicated to make sure I make the goals I have set for myself.  Today I did a 2 mile walk with the boys after I got home from work.  I'm doing a couple of 5k's next month (WALKING, thank you.  I don't run!) but those aren't a concern to me.  5K is only a little more than 3 miles and I can do that easily.  My current personal goal is to walk my home route in reverse - it has this really long, really steep - I mean REALLY steep hill that kind of intimidates me.  The last time I walked up it I had to stop several times to catch my breath.  I want to walk all the way up that hill without stopping, while pushing the stroller, and not be gasping for breath at the top.  When I can do that I'll know I'm really making strides.  It is my version of the stairs in "Rocky" - only I think my hill is longer and harder to climb!  I'll have to research that.

Specifically tasty meals for the week: shredded potatos with kale, onions and mushrooms - baked and topped with a little shredded pepper jack cheese; "Meatball Subs" made with falafel meatballs; and my favorite one - garlic and spinach fettucine with roasted veggies.

Only 0.8 loss AGAIN?!?!

I know, I haven't posted in a few days - just been one of those weeks, ya know?!  That being said, this is also going to be a short post.  I need to try and get some sleep.  Hopefully tonight won't be filled with tossing and turning and waking up every 45minutes or so.

So that is all I lost again - 0.8lbs.  I'm not even going to lie and say I'm all happy that at least it was a loss.  0.8lbs could be the shirt I was wearing.  But it was enough to take me down 1 more PointsPlus point.   Obviously I need to step things up even more.  I am remembering to focus myself every morning and I went on a walk at lunch yesterday.  Today was cold and hailing and I didn't feel like going out in it.  I'm going to have to get on it if I'm going to have 3 productive workouts this week.  And I can say that this week is already one that I did NOT stay within points every day.  Close, but I went over points one day.  I AM drinking the water so far.

2 yummy meals to note: Had a quick, light meal the other night of roasted Asparagus.  It was several of the really big spears and I sprayed them with olive oil cooking spray, seasoned with a touch of sea salt and pepper, and drizzled basalmic vinegar over them.  Roasted them in the oven until tender-crisp and they were so good!  Tonights meal was very simple too: rainbow chard and penne tossed with shallots, garlic and olive oil.  I put the chard in with the penne as it cooked.  It was delicious!

Well - I'm off to bed.  Going to wake up tomorrow, count my blessings, review my goals and look FORWARD.  I won't dwell on my frustration of this week any further.

New month, more determined!

So it's another month and that means it's time to reaffirm my commitment to myself.  I must say I really don't understand what my problem has been with digging into this weight loss thing whole hog.  While it is true that I don't have the kind of support group I had around me during my last big loss (there were a lot of us at work and we walked every day and kept each other on track) I still have plenty of support options out there!  Tomorrow night is weigh-in and I'm mixed about it.  On one hand I've had some really great days the last week, and I've made some good changes, but I've also had some serious roadblocks that I allowed to get in my way.  I really hope to see a loss tomorrow night but if I don't I only have myself to blame.

So about this reaffirmation.  What does this mean to me?  Over the last couple of years I've allowed myself to kind of disappear.  I've allowed my whole life to be run by family needs, work needs, charity needs and church needs.  I've let the fact that I have been so busy substitute as being useful and productive and really all I've been doing is spinning my wheels.  I've ignored my own true needs and allowed them to be covered up with my perceived "needs" of chocolate, large plates of pasta, and deciding that "time to myself" simply meant curling up in bed with a book for a few hours or getting a pedicure and going out to lunch.  What I have decided is that I need to commit this time to my health and well-being.  My work, family, church and the charity I volunteer with still need me but I can be far more useful and helpful to them if I have my own life under control.  The main way I can do this, at least for now, is to lose this weight and get healthy.  So I need to set some goals for April.  Not so big that I'll get discouraged by them, but not too small either. 

1. Drink a minimum of 80oz of water a day.  I would like to get this up to 120oz a day but let's start with 80!
2. Wake up every day and before even getting out of bed, review my goals in my head.  Give myself a pep talk and think about all the positive reasons I am doing this. Review everything good I did the day before and develop strategies to offset anything negative from the day before and prevent them from happening again.
3. Have at least 3 good, productive workouts every week.
4. Walk at lunchtime a minimum of twice a week.  I don't have to get sweaty and nasty since I do have to go back to work and we don't have a place to take a shower, but I need to keep moving throughout the day.
5. Stay within my daily PointsPlus goal and use no extra weekly points for at least 1 week.  The other weeks of the month I can get into my weekly points if I need to, but I may not ever exceed them.

There.  I think these are extremely achievable goals.  For some people this list would be a joke - like telling them to make a goal to breathe every day.  But for me this is a big thing. 

What a great day!

More specifically, what a great dinner!!  I made spicy garlic bok choy with Gardein "Sirloin" Tips over brown rice and I absolutely loved it!  Had to make sure I only ate one serving though!  I will absolutely be making that again - I really don't care that no one else in the family liked it.  I think that just shows lack of sophisticated taste buds on their part (and no - I don't care that one of them is only 9!!!  :) 

So I didn't make it to my WW meeting this week.  I was feeling just too awful on Monday to get up there.  I thought about going to a meeting tonight just to weigh in, but decided to give it a week.  Maybe then I'll see the slightly larger drop I've been wanting.  I'd also like to know why I am not losing anything in comparison to some other people I know.  I am seeing friends of mine post things like "I lost 3 lbs in one day" or I lost 5lbs this week" - what the heck?  Am I getting up in the middle of the night and going through the Taco Bell drive-through in my sleep or something?  Once again, I KNOW that continued losses like that are not "healthy" and that the losses I've been posting are the "right" way to go - but come on! 

I'm trying to decide what my reward will be for getting to my 10% weight loss.  Maybe a small tattoo, or a makeover.  Of course, the way I'm losing I'll be so old by the time I hit the 10% goal my reward will be a fresh glass to put my dentures in!!  Just kidding - I have great teeth, I won't need dentures!  I'm really looking forward to when my current 24-hour-glass figure gets closer to an 18-hour-glass figure!   

Family said it was "quite edible".....

Decided to make lasagna today.  I was going to make a vegan lasagna but so far I haven't had much luck in getting the family to eat the vegan offerings - even if they were extremely tasty in my opinion!!!  I did use the Yves "meatless" meat crumbles when I sautee'd up the onions, garlic, mushrooms and spinach but then instead of mixing it into a tofu version of ricotta and mozzeralla I used low fat versions of the real thing.  Works out to be 9pts a serving and the actual quote when I asked if they liked it was "well, it's quite edible."

I still haven't mentioned that last nights pepporoni pizza was a Tofurkey pizza and completely vegan!  I didn't even know the Tofurkey people made frozen pizzas.  I'll have to utilize that more.

I still don't see myself ever becoming completely vegetarian or vegan once Lent is over, but I can see me limiting my meat intake to only a couple of times a week, and making more vegan choices.  I do feel better overall.  The key, of course, is to continue to journal, journal, journal about every bite that goes into my mouth.  I have to be dedicated to finding out how many points things are because I keep finding my brain wanting to say "oh it's vegetarian - it's practically free!" which is SO not the case. 

Gave in to the stress....

I didn't journal what I ate Tuesday because I was so exhausted I could barely think.  The baby had me up all night Monday and ended up taking him to the emergency room at 3am.  I am NOT the kind of person who whisks her kids off to the ER or doctor for every cough, scrape or dazed look but things were pretty bad for the little guy.  Really glad I did because he had a bronchial infection that was also starting to settle in as an ear infection in both ears.  Got him on antibiotics and he is doing SO much better now!  Back to his sweet self.  The downside is that I was awake from 5:30am Monday until Tuesday night.  I didn't have any energy left to journal!!  But, I hardly had any energy to eat either so I didn't do too badly! 

Yesterday tho, I started off so well.  But things got pretty stressful later in the day and at 8:30 last night I took a dozen vegetable pot stickers, steamed them, fried them brown in oil, and ate every single bite.  Along with 2 big glasses of milk, and then followed up with not 1 but 2 pudding cups (Sugar Free and only 60 calories each, but still - 2?!)  And then I just went to bed.  That was a LOT of calories and points, all because I decided to eat rather than do something active to deal with my stress.  I feel really bad about that this morning.  SO - today I will have to be extra good.  It's no use obsessing over yesterday, I can't change it, but I can learn from it.  I can make the choice to not do the self-sabatoge thing again!

Overall, a positive week!

Let me just start with that carmelized onion quiche I was going on about.  I made it and I LOVE IT!  The crust was made with gluten free flour and I threw some flax seeds for crunch.  Although I was mildly surprised that the gluten free flour saved me absolutely nothing in terms of points values I still presume that it was at least a little healthier for me than bleached white flour.  While the onions were carmelizing - a process that takes a fantastically long time and leaves you smelling like onions the rest of the day - I took a block of light tofu, water, nutritional yeast (amazing find, that.  Great way to add protein, nutrients and flavor. Why am I just now learning about these things?!?!?), and spices and blended it all together.  Then I mixed it with the carmelized onions and some broccoli, poured it into the crust and baked it up.  It was really good!  And only 7 points per serving.  It needs some tweaking, but I'll make it again.

MorningStar Farms has become my new best friend in terms of breakfast or quick dinners.  One thing I found myself craving lately was bacon.  I adore bacon.  A LOT of bacon - crispy, yummy, bacon!  mmmmm.  Obviously, it's not an option now.  So I discovered MorningStar Farms breakfast "bacon" strips.  Will it pass for bacon?  Not    on    your    life.  But, it smells and tastes just barely enough like bacon to trick my mind into thinking it's getting some.  As long as I don't eat it on it's own.  Put it on a sandwich with a "burger" or some EggBeaters and it works just fine.  

So what happened on the scale today?  Let's review the fact that I had a good week.  I stayed within points 5 out of the 7 days and even so, still didn't use all of my weekly allowance.  Even Saturday, the little ones first birthday party, I snacked on veggies and had a small piece of cake.  I was actually excited to get on the scale tonight.  I hopped up and I was down.  I was down 0.8 lbs.  That's it.  Not even one full pound.  Ok - I know, I KNOW: I'm supposed to be happy that I went down, I'm supposed to celebrate all the good changes I've made, I'm supposed to concentrate on the fact that I'm losing at a good, healthy, keep-it-off-forever rate, I'm supposed to remember that weight loss doesn't always happen on the scale.  I KNOW!!  But really?  I really, really, really, really wanted that big, confirming, "yes you are doing the right thing" loss THIS week.  I thought for sure it would happen.  I'm not talking a biggest loser 17 pound loss.  I would be overjoyed with 4 or 5 pounds.  But I really am happy that it was a loss.  I am.  And I'm going to keep doing what I've been doing.  And I'm already thinking about dinner tomorrow night.  I'm thinking quinoa with spinach, shallots, mushrooms and maybe tomato.  What do you think? 

Portions, portions, portions!

Wow - this week has really been flying by and I just haven't had much time to sit down and write.  So far the week has been OK.  I have been trying to make the right choices and trying to get in a little more exersize.  One good thing about all the extra water I've been drinking is all the extra walking I have to do to go to the bathroom!  It's about 90 steps round trip from my desk to the bathroom and I've added at least 6 trips a day! 

My current challenge is portion control.  The other night I made a fabulous dinner!  Lightly sauteed kale, broccoli, garlic and mushroom tossed with minced shallots and whole grain penne and just a touch of fresh shredded parmesean on top.  Served with fresh out of the oven Multigrain Bread from the Essential Baking Company.  Ohhhhhh it was delicious!  The bowl I had was a touch over a single "serving" but then I had a 2nd helping.  And when I was cleaning up from dinner I found myself nibbling away at the left overs.  Thankfully it hit 8pm and I stopped but that may be the only reason I stopped before eating absolutely all of it.  Ridiculous.  I was stuffed and uncomfortable and unhappy.  I think one of the keys here may be to just stop planning for leftovers.  Usually when I cook I plan on having that meal for dinner that night and then taking the leftovers to work for lunch the next day.  If there are a lot of leftovers that means we can have them for dinner a day or two later so that I don't have to cook one evening.  Obviously though, if there is food sitting around that I liked I am simply going to keep eating it.   I guess if I only plan enough for dinner that night then the bulk of that temptation is taken away from me.

On a really positive note tho: I stayed away from the pizza the rest of the family decided they wanted for dinner last night.  It was already there when I got home; both pan crust and both with meat on them.  So instead I pulled out my Spicy "Chicken" Boca Patty and made a sandwich with lots of veggies on it. 

I think my cooking challenge for this weekend is a Carmelized Onion Quiche.  I have found some great recipes but most of them use butter and cream and lots of cheese so I shall hunt for a lighter version.  I did find a good looking Vegan version that I may try if I get the right ingredients together!

Downward!

Well I lost 1.8 lbs at my weigh in yesterday.  Of course I'm excited about this because it's a loss, but I was a little disappointed because I had been doing so well that I thought it would be more.  I know, I know - approx 2lbs a week is the safe amount to lose but every once in a while I would like to see one of those affirming 6 or 7lb loss weeks!  So - I should review my week and see what else I can do to improve. 

OK - I've reviewed my week and there are some glaring observations. 

• I need to stop eating after 8pm.  Period.  I'd like it to be sooner but with work, the kids, getting home and then cooking the meal, etc I'm lucky some nights to eat by 7:30. 
• Just because I can still stay within my points for the day does not mean I should have a couple of cookies.  I'm pretty sure elevating my calorie count isn't helping me.  I need to stop being "points fooled" - the system works best if I use my points on healthy choices.  Having the cookies once a week might be OK - but not every night. 
• Exersise.  I got a little more in last week but not a lot.  I need to just find some time to do it.  Yes, it's hard to find the time.  I rarely get to bed before 11 or 11:30 and am usually up by 5:30.  I'll just have to try setting the alarm a little sooner to try and get some exersise in.  
• Water, water, water.  I drank quite a bit last week but I think I should drink more. 

Beyond that though, I feel really good about the changes I've made and the fact that I lost weight.  It is a step in the right direction.  And considering what people in Japan are facing right now, and people in New Zeland (way overshadowed by Japan but still dealing with their own tragedies) my problems are far more manageable.